Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017

So here we are...it's New Year's Eve 2016.

Ordinarily I would not be at home writing a blog on New Year's Eve, but this New Year's Eve for me is not exactly what I would call "ordinary". I'm home with my dog, Sam (who is now almost 14 months old, by the way) and my sick husband, Steve. Steve has been sick on and off for about a month now with various health issues, but most recently he's been taken down by a nasty bout of sinusitis. It's been two weeks now, but the first week we didn't have a diagnosis, so he's likely been suffering longer than he should have. I should clarify that I'm not writing this as a plea for pity; it's just that I need an outlet to vent all of my feelings, and I figure this blog is as good a place as any. I also realize that there are a lot of people who are way more sick than Steve is and I wish them nothing but the best for the speediest of recoveries. This is just the sickest person that I've ever had to take care of, so it's been a shock to me.

I'll spare you all the details, but just say that after multiple trips to the ER during the Christmas holidays, we finally got the diagnosis of sinusitis (as confirmed by a CT scan). The doctor said it was just a minor case, but Steve would have likely said otherwise, given that he felt like his face was going to explode. We were very fortunate to have my parents here to help us out; especially fortunate to have my Mum here. She was a life saver (taking Sam out for walks, getting groceries, etc.) and I will be forever grateful. Having my Mum and Dad here allowed me to focus on taking care of Steve to the best of my ability and also rest, so I wouldn't get too run down. I don't know what I would have done if they hadn't been here. I know that Sam would not have gotten the attention and exercise that he needed and I would have ended up a complete zombie.

I've always known that I would never make a very good nurse and this past couple of weeks has proved it. I only have so much patience, I'm not very sympathetic and I don't like seeing the people I love suffering. It's especially hard because there is nothing you can do to make them better. All you can do is make sure they take their medications properly and give them your love and support. The hardest part about taking care of Steve and seeing him so sick is probably that I feel like I'm taking care of an 85 year old man. Steve is only 44 and normally a very active and healthy guy, so it's like he's done a complete 180.  Between Christmas Day and today there were 4 different medications that he was taking regularly (antibiotic 3 times a day with food, anti-inflammatory 3 times a day with food, steroid nasal spray every 12 hours and acid reflux medication once a day before food).  The doctor had also prescribed morphine (as needed) for the pain, so that makes 5 medications to keep track of!! The morphine was a real concern for me because I was so worried that Steve would just take it regularly to avoid the pain because he had suffered so much that whole previous week before we knew what was going on. I made my concerns very clear and rationed out the drug. I've actually rationed out each of his drugs each day because it's the only way I know what he's taken. Since his head is so foggy and confused, he has no idea what he's taken when. Thankfully he has only taken the morphine for the first few days and he hasn't taken any yesterday or today. I'm hoping that's a sign that the pain is subsiding a little bit. The antibiotics seem to be taking their sweet time to kick in, which is super frustrating for me (and him, I imagine). The anti-inflammatory is now finished, so we are now down to 3 medications...hooray!

I am normally a pretty stable person and think of myself as almost robot-like. I rarely get emotional about anything (don't cry at movies or weddings, don't get overly excited about much, no PMS nastiness - Steve will back me up on that one), but I've cried more times in the past two weeks than I probably have in the past 10 years. Most of it, I think, is due to sheer frustration and exhaustion. I know that you can't force a person to get healthy and sometimes you just have to wait things out, but man, the waiting is exhausting! That feeling of complete and utter helplessness is absolutely draining. My hat is off to all the health care professionals who spend their days and nights taking care of sick people...you are all amazing and deserve much respect!

Sorry to have been such a Debbie Downer, but like I said, I just needed to vent. I've got a great group of friends and family that have been very supportive and I appreciate every single one of them. I've unloaded my feelings and thoughts on a few of them lately, so I send a special thank you to them (they know who they are). I know that Steve appreciates them and all of their kindness too.

On a more positive note, Sam is doing great and I feel like we really lucked out with him. He's pretty awesome. Those first couple of months of sleepless nights were totally worth it! He had his first Christmas with us and I'm pretty sure he liked it. He got pretty spoiled, so the bar has now been set for next year. I was a little apprehensive about what he'd be like with the Christmas tree and presents, but he just sniffed everything and was totally fine. The decorations are still up with the plan of Steve and I having a Christmas "do-over" once he is back to his normal, healthy self. I've even offered to re-wrap his presents :)

Sam patiently waiting for Santa

That's all for this year. It's now time to take Sam out for a walk and then chill with an evening of NetFlix - currently watching "Grace and Frankie" starring Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, and I totally recommend it. It's pretty funny, especially when you need an escape from your daily worries and stresses.

I wish you all much health and happiness for 2017.