Marriage: There is no secret; either it works or it doesn't

I have been very happily married for more than 16 years and people often ask my husband and I what our secret is. There is no "secret" or "special recipe" to obtain what we have together, but our usual response is that we don't fight. It's true; we just don't fight. This is not to say that we don't have a few disagreements once in awhile, sure we do, but we never get to the point of yelling at each other or calling each other nasty names. That's just juvenile and disrespectful. I also imagine that fighting would be downright exhausting. Who has the energy for that?

The two of us have been married for 16 years and we were together for 7 years prior to that, so in total we've been together for 23 years! You could say that we were high school sweethearts, but we went to different schools and lived in different cities, but that's a story for another time.

It may seem like a cliche, but communication really is the key to any good relationship, be it a marriage or even just a friendship. I'll be honest here, out of the two of us, my husband is by far the better communicator and he encourages me to communicate all the time. We've had a few bumps in the road, and that's normal as far as I'm concerned; it's when those bumps become mountains that you need to become aware that something is seriously wrong.

The way I see it there are 3 ways that couples will deal with their relationship problems/issues:

• a) the couple will either ignore what's going on and just stay miserable together rather than deal with things
• b) the couple will recognise that there's a problem and try to fix it (eg. counselling or simply talking things through and try to get back what was lost) 
• c) the couple will split up and go their separate ways

I've known a few couples that have gone down the divorce road and it seems to have been the answer for them. I've also known couples that have had a separation period and then gotten back together - sometimes people just need to step back from the situation for a little while to see the bigger picture and realise that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Sadly, I've also seen couples that stay together even though one or both of them is miserable - they're comfortable in their misery and they don't want to rock the boat. 

I think some people take the idea of marriage way too lightly. "If it doesn't work out, we'll just get a divorce", you can hear people say. I had a friend who had been divorced 3 times, all before she was 35 years old!  Call me old-fashioned, but I think marriage should be a one-time event. After-all, the reason you're getting married in the first place is because you want to spend "the rest of your lives together". Unless you're in your 70s or 80s, the rest of your life will most likely be a long time (decades and decades, people). Granted, people's priorities and ideals can change over the years, but you work through it and find a way to change together. If you can't work through it and divorce is the only option, then fair enough. If it means you can both move on with your lives and be happier people as a result, then that's great. Nobody likes being around miserable people, so get the divorce and go your separate ways. 

In the end, we get all one life and we owe it to ourselves to be happy. If marriage is in your future, I encourage you to pay attention to those vows and never take each other for granted. 

Random Rants and Raves

Here we go. One of the reasons that I started blogging was because I sometimes have things that I just want to talk about, rant about or whatever and I don't want to fill up peoples' news feeds on Facebook; which brings me to my first rant.

Facebook:
Let me just say that I have been known, on occasion, to inadvertently offend/insult people with my comments about their Facebook posts. The way I see it; though, if you decide to tell the world something (especially on Facebook); be it good, bad or just plain stupid you should be willing to accept any comments that may result. I tend to call things like I see them, but I have learned over the years (actually more like months) to try and adopt that old saying (If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all). Let me tell you; though, sometimes it's really hard to stick to that. For one thing, I really don't see why new parents feel the necessity to post so many pictures of their kids for all the world to see. I understand that they're excited about whatever may be happening in the photos, but come on. There has to be a limit. Maybe just share all those many many photos with family and keep the rest of the world out of it. That being said, I do like to see the occasional photos of my friends' kids and see what everyone has been up to. I just think some people take it too far. I mean do we really need to know that little Johnny has just pooped in the toilet for the first time? has just had a bath? ate solid food? I know I don't. I grew up in a time when certain pictures (ahem...bath time) were stuck in a family album and just made the occasional appearance now and then; usually either when you're a teenager and dating someone or when you're all grown up and married. Oh and I really don't care what people ate for breakfast, dinner or any other meal. It is the nature of Facebook; though, to allow people to flaunt whatever they feel is important.

Cell Phones:
Texting while driving a car or even while riding a bike is, in my opinion, completely stupid and careless. Even though it is apparently illegal here to operate a cell phone while driving, I still see people doing it everyday. It drives me bonkers and makes me really angry that so many people can't just wait until they get to wherever they're going before grabbing the phone. Some people will say that they only text while stopped at a traffic light...well that's not much better because your focus is still not on the road! If the call/text is so important, just pull over to the side of the road and then deal with it.  A lot of the culprits I see doing it are adults (~40+ and older) and it makes me wonder how they ever survived before cell phones were so common place? I get that the younger generations (teenagers and 20-somethings) have pretty much grown up holding an electronic device of some sort, but that is still no excuse as far as I'm concerned. It's probably a losing battle though and I worry that it will take a lot more accidents before people smarten up. On to rant #3!

Headlights and Tail-lights on Vehicles:
I love headlights and tail-lights; I just wish more people used them. Most new cars come with daytime running lights that come on as soon as you start your car, which is great, but the tail-lights don't come on. For that to happen you have to actually click your headlight switch a bit and make those tail-lights come on. I wonder. Is it that people simply don't know this or are they actually not caring that their cars are not easily visible from behind? My guess is that they just don't care, besides they're probably too busy texting to notice.

I bet you thought I'd be ranting for hours, but I assure you I am now ready to rave! No, not the glow-stick wearing, pill-poppin, all night dance party kind of rave. This is where I tell the world how much I love the food at Saigon Night vietnamese restaurant here in Victoria. Anyone I know who has been there will agree that it is by far, the best vietnamese restaurant in town! I would probably call it the best restaurant of any kind in town, but that's me. The little woman who runs the place remembers everyone that walks in the door (not only their orders, but also what's going on in their personal lives!) She is super sweet and the food is amazing, as I said. I'm a little sad that I don't live within walking distance anymore. Oh well, it just means that every meal I have there is so much more special because I've had to make a trip downtown just to go to Saigon Night. Mmmm, Saigon Night!

So I had few more rants than raves...this is what happens when I don't share my thoughts on Facebook every second. Refreshing, if you ask me.

Yoga vs. Pilates

Recently I took advantage of an introductory pass at a local yoga and pilates centre and was able to take a "pilates sculpt" class, a "yogilates" class, a "hatha flow yoga" class and a "candlelight yoga" class all within the span of 7 days and it only cost me $20. I thought this would be a good way for me to try out a few different disciplines and see what I liked the best.

After my little foray into each of those classes, I discovered that I liked the yogilates the best. It was a nice blend of strength training and stretching. I got a really good core work-out from the pilates portion and then was able to stretch everything out with some yoga postures/poses (asanas for all you yogis out there). There was a wee bit of meditation type stuff at the end of the class (imagine you're floating on the calm ocean, blah, blah, blah), but I liked to think of it more as "nap time" and treated it as such. After all, who doesn't love a good nap?

The straight up yoga was really not my cup of tea because I'm not really into dealing with my chakras or my "third eye"- I'm pretty sure I've only got 2 eyes anyway. Don't get me wrong...I found the stretching to be great and I can see how the benefits would build over time, but I'm just not a spiritual person and I really don't care about all that typical yogi stuff; you know, the "oms" and the "namastes".

My point here, I guess, is that my introductory pass was great and I strongly recommend it to anyone who has even remotely thought about doing yoga or pilates. It was a great way to try things out without having to fork over a bunch of money or make a huge time commitment.

I came away with some moves that I should be able to continue with on my own; assuming I can actually have the self-discipline to do it. I might have to write out a schedule to make it happen and perhaps wake up earlier each day. Who knows, maybe one day I'll have some abs that can do more than just the basics of holding my torso upright and I might even have the flexibility to touch my toes :)

Running Girl...sort of.

So the Goddess Run has come and gone, and I did it. I finished the 10K and I wasn't last. That was all I  wanted; I just didn't want to be last. I was actually 500th out of more than 1300 participants, so I think I did pretty good considering it was my first run. My official time was 1:05:12 and my good friend, who convinced me to do it, was with me every step of the way.  My parents even came down from Parksville to cheer me on...that was really nice. Thanks Mum and Dad!

I started my training back in January and it was going really well up until the end of April when I got Bronchitis. I stopped running for about a month, so I never really got to the point where I could run a full 10K without walking. I ended up having to walk a few times during the race and that was mostly so I wouldn't choke while drinking water. You know how they hand out free water and gatorade along the route; well I never thought about how tricky it would be to drink it and keep running at the same time...it's not easy.

I never did achieve that "runner's high" that I kept hearing about. I sure did feel a sense of accomplishment though when I crossed that finish line and I think that must be what keeps people running. I think that if I hadn't stopped to walk those few times, I just may have had a finish time of less than an hour. Now I understand; it's that internal competition we have with ourselves to try and do better.

I took a break from running for a few weeks after the big event, but I've since started up again and this time with my husband. We're both doing it for each other. He's running as a way to keep me at it and I'm running to get him going. So far we've only gone a few times and we've started back at the beginning of the training program again. Neither of us wants any injuries. We might even run together in a proper race sometime...I think there's an 8K in the fall. Hmmm.

Adventures in Puppy-Sitting

My husband and I spent this past weekend looking after a friend's 6 and 1/2 month old puppy, and let me tell you, it has certainly opened our eyes.

When I was growing up, my family had a couple of different dogs over the years; the first was a black lab that loved rolling around in dead fish when we lived in Ucluelet (you can imagine how good she smelled when she came home from the docks) and the second was a lab/St. Bernard x that my parents had adopted as a means to chase the bears away when we lived in Tofino a few years later. Both dogs were great company and suffice it to say that I've wanted to have a dog again most of my adult life. Due to pet restrictions everywhere we lived before we bought our condo, we could not have a dog.

We finally bit the bullet and bought our current condo 3 years ago and were so excited that we finally had a place of our own where we could have a dog. We didn't get one though because there was a size limit and we've always wanted a larger (aka. real) dog, so once again our hopes were a little deflated. Fast forward a couple of years and the size limit has been lifted, so now we can have any dog we want...yippee!

We've been doing our research to figure out what we need to know about becoming dog owners because that's what we do...we research stuff before making a major investment/commitment. We're smart that way :)

Jump to this past weekend when we get the chance to puppy-sit and see what it's like. I encourage everyone considering getting a dog to do this. Like I said at the beginning, puppy is 6 and 1/2 months old and she's half lab with a quarter German Shepherd and a quarter Rottweiler. Needless to say, she is getting to be a good size, but that's okay. We want a big dog. We live on the 3rd floor and it became a real pain every time we had to take puppy out to pee or poop. We liked taking her for walks and play time. That was great fun, but it was the up and down at random times for bathroom breaks that was the real hassle. It would have been so much easier to just open the door and let her out to do her business. People say all the time that condo living is not appropriate for dogs, and the only reason that I am inclined to agree with that opinion is because of the peeing and pooping needs. We have the living space for a dog and we have a big field next door to our building that is great for play-time, but the up and down for pee and poop breaks was the deal-breaker for us.

So as much as we still really want to have a dog, we have decided to hold off until we can live somewhere with at least a small yard for those all-important pee and poop breaks.

In the meantime, we will continue to do our dog research and pay some much needed attention to our 2 cockatiels who, I 'm sure, were feeling a little neglected while puppy was here. Not to worry though, their cage got a thorough scrubbing today and they're both happily grooming themselves, so I think we're good :)

How Does Your Garden Grow?

I recently started my garden plot and I've already been harvesting!

It seems really quick, but I suppose it's been over a month since I planted everything. I have a 4x8 plot in the community garden at the Tech Park where I work and this is my second year of playing in it. I use the word "playing" because I don't really know what I'm doing, but it's a lot of fun. I go out there on my lunch breaks and it's a great way to spend some time outside in the fresh air.

This year I have planted radishes, green onions, garlic and green beans. The radishes have come up first and I've harvested 3 times in one week, so that's very exciting! I am somewhat disappointed with the beans because last year they grew so well, but this year they really seem to be struggling. Oh well, I guess that's how it goes sometimes.

I think I'll be able to harvest some green onions this week, so I'm looking forward to that. We purposely didn't buy any at the grocery store because I have them growing in my garden :)

I added some fertilizer to the soil before I planted anything and I think that helped to some extent, but I'm pretty sure I should have also added some compost and/or more soil. Maybe it's not too late to add those things. I appreciate input from other gardeners out there, so feel free to offer advice :)

The only problem with this whole gardening thing is that it really makes me want to have my own yard and plant more stuff. Maybe I'll see if there is another plot available in the community garden, and if so, I'll start a second one.  I have tried to grow things on my balcony, but since it's south-facing it gets really hot out there during the summer. I am tempted to try again though. I really like being able to eat stuff that I've grown myself...it's so rewarding! Plus, fresh veggies straight from the garden taste so much better :)

Baking vs. Cooking

It's funny how some people like to bake and some people like to cook, but very rarely do people enjoy doing both.

I, for example, like to bake. I don't really like cooking. That's not to say that I can't cook; I just find it tedious and it always feels like a chore to me. Baking, on the other had, is actually fun for me and I find that the end product is always so much more enjoyable. Let's face it, given the choice, I think we'd all rather have cupcakes for dinner than some "proper meal". I also prefer baking because there is no creativity really required. You just follow the recipe and 99% of the time you will end up with some pretty tasty treats. I will admit that I am a stickler when it comes to following recipes. If it calls for a pinch of salt, I will actually pour some salt into my hand and pinch some of it out to put in the bowl. This is where some people go wrong with their baking; they deviate from the recipe too much. That can lead to all sorts of problems. The real fun of baking happens afterwards; when you get to decorate those sugar cookies, cupcakes or layer cake. I actually took a cake decorating course a few years ago and learned a few tips and tricks. I'll never buy cupcakes again now that I can bake them and decorate them myself; they look and taste just as good, if not better, than any that you would buy.

Now I understand that we should all eat healthy and have "proper" balanced meals, so this is why I do cook when I have to. I can cook stir-fries and spaghetti and a few other standard meals. I've even cooked a few turkey dinners over the years. I think what I dislike about cooking is that there are usually so many things you have to deal with (side dishes, main dish, prep work, all those pots and pans). I don't mind doing stir-fries because everything just goes in the one pan and that's it. There is; however, all that chopping and slicing that is required...ugh. I do enjoy using the slow-cooker too. Just dump everything in there in the morning before work and it's all done when I get home. But once again there is that prep work to do.

I have invested in a new cookbook, so I'm hoping that I will become inspired and some day learn to love cooking. Until that day comes, I will continue baking and enjoying the treats that come along with that.

Food: So I Have Some Quirks

As the title suggests, I have some food quirks. I know for a fact that I'm not alone though. I mean, look at how many vegans, vegetarians, gluten and dairy-free people there are these days. My quirks are really quite simple in comparison. I eat what I like and I don't eat what I don't like. Let me explain.

I suppose the thing that confuses everyone the most is that I don't like melted cheese. That's right. I don't like melted cheese. I only like mild or medium orange cheddar fresh out of the fridge: the colder and harder, the better. This creates a lot of problems for people because they just don't understand how I could possibly not like melted cheese. This little quirk of mine means that I don't eat pizza or lasagna or grilled cheese or anything else that has melted cheese; which in turn, means that I don't have to cut those things out of my diet for health reasons. It makes eating really simple and not to mention cheap. Cheese can be very expensive. Oh, I also don't like cheese-flavoured things (cheesies, doritos, etc). Definitely no cream cheese either and I will never understand why people make icing using cream cheese.

Still with me here? Here's something else that will most likely confuse you. When I have a burger the only things I like on it are pickles. I'll take onions if they're around, but no condiments at all. I like a dry bun. I've lost count of how many times I used to have send my order back to the kitchen because the cook made a mistake with my burger. It has gotten better over the years though. I think with all of these new "healthy" food trends, my plain burger is not quite so strange anymore.

I also don't like creamy sauces or soups. They just taste wrong to me. I like clear brothy soups like chicken noodle or beef barley; those are some good soups.

I'm grateful that I'm not celiac and I can eat all the gluten I want. I had a gluten-free, dairy-free brownie the other night when some friends came over and all I will say is that I only had 1. I love brownies and I only had 1. Enough said.

I am fortunate in that I don't have to watch what I eat or count calories (thanks for the great genes, Mum and Dad), so I pretty much eat what I want. The bottom line is that I think we all have food quirks to some extent and that's okay. The world would be pretty boring if everyone liked everything. Besides, I like being one of the rare people that loves Brussel Sprouts, but don't you dare ruin them with a creamy cheese sauce :)

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

So here I am, I've been 40 for a few months now and it still hasn't really sunk in. I mean, I don't feel like I'm 40, but I guess how you feel is subjective and it really depends on the day. Of course there are days when I am all achy and such, and those are the days that I definitely feel 40 (if not older).  I also don't think I look 40, but maybe that ties into the fact that I don't feel 40. For the most part I feel the same as I did when I was in my mid-20s. If anything, I'm probably in better shape now than I've ever been before.

All the way leading up to my 40th birthday I was really dreading it. Everyone kept telling me that it's "no big deal", "life begins at 40", etc, etc. I realize that 40 is just a number and it shouldn't really matter, but to me it did.

See, when a woman turns 40 there is a certain fact that cannot be ignored: the window is closing quickly, and I don't mean the window that has blinds hanging in front of it and opens up to let the spring air in. I mean the window of opportunity for creating a life...yes, I mean making a baby.

I never used to believe in the whole biological clock ticking thing, and I was quite content with my D.I.N.K (double income no kids) status for a long time. When I realized that I was actually turning 40 sooner than later, it really hit me and almost knocked me over. I wasn't sure how to handle these new feelings and emotions and I'm still not sure. It's Murphy's Law that it takes me this long to feel emotionally and mentally ready to step across that line into possible parenthood. Could the timing be any less practical? I mean, my husband is just half-way through his schooling and I'm the sole income earner. This is so not the time to be having baby thoughts, but I can't help it. I have had a bunch of friends that have recently had babies and that doesn't make it any easier. One of these friends is older than me, so it goes to show that it's not unreasonable to think that it could happen to me. Let me clarify that precautions are being taken to prevent any surprises. I haven't made any decisions yet...just having this inner turmoil going on.

I will say it sure helps to have a distraction like this to pass the time while I'm running. I'm on week 11 now, by the way and am noticing the physical benefits taking shape (my legs are getting more toned).

Decisions, decisions. Believe me, if and when something happens I'll be blogging about it. Until then, I'll keep plodding and blogging along.

Springing Forward

So we sprang forward last night and changed the clocks ahead one hour. I'm sure I'm not the only person that misses having that hour of sleep. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that it will now be lighter out in the evenings, but it also means that it will be dark in the mornings for awhile longer. Oh well, it is what it is and there's no point moping about it.

On to other news. I did my first run for week 10 of my training the other day (5 minute warm-up walk, 3x 15 minute runs with a 1minute walk in between and a 5 minute cool-down walk) and it was alright, but I'm still not feeling the fun factor yet. I'm sure it will happen at some point. All those runners out there can't be wrong...can they? I'm optimistic that I will get to experience that "runner's high", it just might take a little longer, so until then I will keep plodding along knowing that I always have my cool-down walk at the end to look forward to.

I went to my friend's open house of her new wedding supply shop the other night, so that was fun. I think she'll do really well with it because it's such a great concept. They supply things for weddings, but a lot of the products can be used for other events as well (birthdays, etc), so they'll have a pretty good market to sell to. I've already seen a bunch of stuff that I would love to get some time. The shop is called "Avenue Weddings" for anyone that's curious.

I went and tried to give blood last week, but was unsuccessful. The vein in my right arm had too much pressure and sprayed blood everywhere as soon as the needle went in and the vein in my left arm rolled out of the way as soon as that needle went in. I still got my cookies and juice though and I will go again. I wish more people would give blood. Like the ad says "It's in you to give". I understand that some people are anemic and cannot give blood, but I think a lot of people just don't want to. I have a really hard time with that. This is something we can do that doesn't cost us anything and can save lives. Why would anyone not want to save a life? One of the girls I work with actually had to get transfusions last year, so that really drove it home to me how important it is to give blood. Okay, that's my rant on giving blood.

Now it's time to get back to the reality of life and get some chores done.

First Attempt

So I turned 40 this year and for some reason I've decided to try blogging. I think the main reason for this is that I find myself having things that I want to say to the world (or simply anyone who will listen), but I don't want to fill up people's news feeds on Facebook with my trivial thoughts.

Like today for example; I was biking home from work and a couple of guys riding side by side on road bikes went blasting past me on the Goose (local bike path). Why do "roadies", as my husband likes to call them, insist on riding side by side all the time? They give the rest of us cyclists a bad name.

Turning 40 has caused me to take stock of my life and I'm happy to say that I'm very pleased with the life I have. I have an amazing husband who is currently in his 2nd year of nursing school and I couldn't be more proud of him.

I've started training for a 10K run that is happening in June, and I've never run before in my life, so yes, it is a pretty big deal for me. I'll be starting week 10 of my training tomorrow, so I'll let you know how that goes.

Since this is just my first post, I'll end it here. I should really try to save some thoughts for future posts.