Tick Tock, Tick Tock

So here I am, I've been 40 for a few months now and it still hasn't really sunk in. I mean, I don't feel like I'm 40, but I guess how you feel is subjective and it really depends on the day. Of course there are days when I am all achy and such, and those are the days that I definitely feel 40 (if not older).  I also don't think I look 40, but maybe that ties into the fact that I don't feel 40. For the most part I feel the same as I did when I was in my mid-20s. If anything, I'm probably in better shape now than I've ever been before.

All the way leading up to my 40th birthday I was really dreading it. Everyone kept telling me that it's "no big deal", "life begins at 40", etc, etc. I realize that 40 is just a number and it shouldn't really matter, but to me it did.

See, when a woman turns 40 there is a certain fact that cannot be ignored: the window is closing quickly, and I don't mean the window that has blinds hanging in front of it and opens up to let the spring air in. I mean the window of opportunity for creating a life...yes, I mean making a baby.

I never used to believe in the whole biological clock ticking thing, and I was quite content with my D.I.N.K (double income no kids) status for a long time. When I realized that I was actually turning 40 sooner than later, it really hit me and almost knocked me over. I wasn't sure how to handle these new feelings and emotions and I'm still not sure. It's Murphy's Law that it takes me this long to feel emotionally and mentally ready to step across that line into possible parenthood. Could the timing be any less practical? I mean, my husband is just half-way through his schooling and I'm the sole income earner. This is so not the time to be having baby thoughts, but I can't help it. I have had a bunch of friends that have recently had babies and that doesn't make it any easier. One of these friends is older than me, so it goes to show that it's not unreasonable to think that it could happen to me. Let me clarify that precautions are being taken to prevent any surprises. I haven't made any decisions yet...just having this inner turmoil going on.

I will say it sure helps to have a distraction like this to pass the time while I'm running. I'm on week 11 now, by the way and am noticing the physical benefits taking shape (my legs are getting more toned).

Decisions, decisions. Believe me, if and when something happens I'll be blogging about it. Until then, I'll keep plodding and blogging along.